What is the dumbest thing that you have ever done to improve your life? My answer, is go to college.
I’m a freshman at the University of South Carolina, upon coming here I was stoked. SO ready and excited to live the college life with no supervision or bedtimes and ordering pizza at 3am. Schoolwork was the least of my worries because college work was nothing new to me. In high school I was quite the brainiac, always making A’s, getting honor roll, the whole nine yards. I even took college level courses my senior year as to get ahead of the game. Completely to my surprise, college has been one of the most difficult periods of my life. I’m originally from Tennessee, but 8 years ago my immediate family moved to Charleston, SC. Being the only family we had in the whole state we were a close knit family. However, the summer before I came to college my parents decided on a sudden and unexpected divorce. As soon as I moved to Columbia, SC to attend school my family made a big move as well. Back to Tennessee. Thus, leaving me in this state completely.. abandoned. It tore me apart like a pit bull with a chew toy. Focusing on school work became, impossible. I learned what it was like to not be in control for the first time in my life. No matter how hard I tried, or how hard I studied, the grades just would not happen. As I said before, I was a student used to make A’s with the occasional B. Now in college I’m a steady C maker and in some classes, hoping for a D. Never in my life have I been so focused on a life I know longer had that it affected my grades. Not to mention, I had to make friends. I am a very social person so making friends shouldn’t be hard to do, however when you spend all of your first few weeks at college preoccupied with the well being of your family and praying to a God that you don’t believe in that a miracle will happen, you tend to focus less on the social aspect of college. Which, let me tell you, those first few weeks are what is going to make or break the rest of the school year when it comes to your social life. After moving in and getting settled, most people are going door to door up and down the dorm halls meeting each other and making acquaintances. For myself, that is, I stayed in my room trying to piece my life back together as I watched it untangle right before my eyes.
The whole reason behind college is to better your life for yourself, to be able to get a solid career, and ultimately, to make lots and lots of money. With everything that has been going on in my life lately, it seems practically impossible. How do people do this? Here I am, a psychology major, and I can’t even help myself with my own problems. How am I suppose to help others with theirs? That’s all I want to do with my life is to guide others and I can’t even get my own head straight to make the grades to do that. College is suppose to be where you build the foundation for the rest of your life, and I’m literally starting off a foundation of pure nothingness. No family. No friends. No positive grades. No money. Never in my life I felt more anxious, frustrated, insecure, trapped, and alone.
The thing I have done to better my life, which is go to college, has put me hours and hours away from my family and ruined my confidence in the social scene. Ironic.
Really depressing for a first post, I know, and there is no purpose to you readers, but this is just simply an outlet for me to get some things off my chest. Hopefully, my inner psychologist will come out in later blog posts and I can benefit you in some way. Until then, feel free to give me your advice as I could really benefit from some myself.