I want my feet anchored.

All my life I have put myself into the wrong relationships, whether it be with boys, friends, and even family. It seems to be this unavoidable occurrence in my life.

Recently, (well about a year ago) I removed myself from a 2 year long controlling, cheating, self-esteem lowering, wrong, and every other negative adjective in the dictionary, relationship. It from cute notes on my windshield after work to “You cannot wear that dress.” and “What was that $80 charge on your bank account?” It was an awful breakup, but an even more awful relationship. Despite that though, I ended it. I realized where I wanted my life to go and the type of person I wanted it to be with and I moved on. Exploring the single life for awhile was a huge eye opener for me. It gave me time to focus on me and building myself back up after 2 years of a declining relationship.

Then, I met my SOUL MATE. I have never felt so complete in my entire life, kinda weird to say as we are only 5 months into our relationship, but hey whatever. I’ve never been able to be so honest with someone in my entire life and to be able to connect with someone so different from me. Needless to say, it’s awesome.

Now in the beginning of relationship, before you could really call it that, there was a hiccup. Recently though that hiccup has turned into quite the belching burp for me. I’ve been beginning to feel more insecure about myself as the relationship continues. Now, my significant other has not wronged me since, and honestly does so much for me and our relationship, but I can’t seem to hold my breath long enough to get rid of this hiccup. I am beginning to notice the slightest of upsetting things that normally I would just brush off my shoulder and never bring up, but I cannot help but to wonder, am I in the wrong relationship again? Admitting that I have those thoughts even feels so wrong, because I am so deeply in love with this person and believe that I am in the right relationship (other than these occasional thoughts). I know I am beginning to push myself away even when I know all I want is to anchor my feet. 

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